Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
