I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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