Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Welp...herpes.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
