Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My life is pants optional.
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