I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
