Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
