dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
