Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize