just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
you had me at cake vodka
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
