well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
