what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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