I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
