I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize