So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You don't make any sense
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