Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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