i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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