Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
