Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Threesome in a minivan. New low
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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