Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
