I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
