"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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