the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
