Can Purell be used as lube?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just puked most of my soul out..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
