So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
