you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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