paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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