there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
