Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
