take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
