I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
