someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
