I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize