I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
