I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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