literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
