just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
How's work?
Spinning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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