i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please come you make the beer taste better
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
