I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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