dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
