I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made him laugh his dick is mine
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
