Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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