Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
