it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
