Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
youre lurking in front of me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
