I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
