After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
