we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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