I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize