found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
