Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
