I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
