Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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