I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
