i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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