Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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