If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
