I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
