Sry I called you an 8
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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