That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
