We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
