is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
