This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
