I must be too annoying 4 u.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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