His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
