Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
