We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you traded sex for a burrito?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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