i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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