So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
